John Le Carre meets Men In Black meets The Cohen Brothers! (Kazakhstan, bio-nanotechnology, Cuba, Sonic weaponry, GCHQ… fuck knows)

“Pontius Pilate’s ring is discovered”… really? Hate to tell you this Christianity, but there was never any crucifixion… and the more likely scenario is we faked Jesus’ death! 😀 I said ‘WE FAKED JESUS’ DEATH!… Sorry, it was just a bit of a joke (an Astro-theological joke), that got out of hand… we thought we’d let it run for 2000 years or so!

Yeah anyway… some people where wanting me elaborate on the whole Kazakhstan bio-nano technology incident! 😀

Not really much to say… someone (ahem Russian) sprayed me with some bio-nano tech whilst I was in the middle of fecking nowhere in northern Kazakhstan (Borovue)… it was creepy as shit, and has pretty much traumatised me for the past fifteen months.
If there was one funny thing about it (I always try and see the funny side of things)… it was that after I noticed what had happened, after I started flicking dozens of these little bio luminescent genetically engineered insect robot things off me… I was sat on a bench outside a train station… a local Kazakh family came and sat down next to me. A grandmother, a young couple and a baby, and I thought whatever this shit is, I don’t want it effecting innocent civilians (especially a baby), so I had to move thirty or forty metres away and had to strip off naked in order to try ande get these things off me. 😀
There I was, in some backward shithole Kazakh town, stripping off naked in the middle of the day, shaking my clothes out, emptying my rucksack and belongings… looked like a right nutter… … whilst some Kazakh family looked on absolute amazement! (eating their sandwiches)

I have a few crazy and wonderful stories like that (well?).
I was in Cuba in 2013 (tried visiting Hugo Chavez in hospital, and some other stuff).
I had team of Cuban intelligence officers surveilling me, and a team of SIS (MI6) and GCHQ officers surveilling me…
I was lucky enough to stay at the world famous Hotel Nacional De Cuba
(Fidel was apparently staying on the top penthouse suite… although he was suffering from severe dementia by this point),
and do the world famous Club Tropicana (had to pay for drinks).

Anyway, I was on a flight back from Havana to South Cuba, and the Cubans got on the plane. A team of five officers, one was an absolute psychopath, scar down his face and the lot. I also had a team of SIS and GCHQ officers on the same plane (two men, ex military, miserable as shit, one psycho bitch, and one absolutely lovely, caring and motherly GCHQ officer (dyslexic, told me her story, lovely woman).
The Cubans where trying to have me arrested, so they had an officer sat behind me constantly kicking my seat for the whole flight (like a God damn child). Me being me, I was getting up effing and jeffing at him, this guy knows exactly what he’s doing… the Cuban team are watching thinking “Go on, lose the plot, and we’ll have you arrested as soon as the flight lands”… the rather lovely GCHQ officer was so worried for me, telling me to calm down, and offering to swap seats (like my mum).
Yeah Cuba… I actually got my brain microwaved by a sonic weapon of some kind when I was out there (I was the first one to say it, but no-ne took any notice of me)…
Embassy attack accusations in Cuba (Wikipedia)

I’m thinking a writing a book about my life, probably have to pass it off as ‘fiction’ (I doubt anyone would believe it)… it would be a cross between John Le Carre, Men In Black and the fucking Cohen brothers! 😀 (if it was any stranger we’d be delving in Monty Python territory!)

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